Genius of the Lampoon

 

 

I’m the Genius of the lampoon,

   Here to grant you three wishes:

First, the champoon wit to clampoon

   Onto pompous gibberishes;

 

Second, piercing wit to skewer

   Scads—harpoon them—fishkabobs!

Sear them on the barbecue—hors-

   d’oeuvres for the bullshishkabobs!

 

Thirdly, axe of japery

   To lay their monkeyshinings low,

Hack acts of inept apery,

   Baboonry, with an apt bon mot;

 

Satire’s sharp tongue-lashes for

   To flog pretense comes next, amounting

To—I know, yes, wishes four

   —But I’m a Genius—who’s counting?

 

Next, the knife of irony

   To cut—what? yes—I know that’s five!

Fool-mettle forged in fire—a nee-

   dle—‘three’ is just my Genius jive.

 

Very Genius of the lampoon,

   Here to grant you wishes three

—Put a damper on your damn poon-  

   tanging—some tomfoolery!

 

Some, in my lampoon-demesne,

   Swear I’m some lampoon-demesney,

Though I’m such a gentle Gen-

   ius…until you should call me Genie!

 

Genius of the lampoon here,

   Inside my lampoon’s where I play.

Want me to—Shazam!—appear?

   Why, just rub me…the wrong way.